Although some doctors, like couple’s psychologist Mila Cahue, indicate that for a lot of people this decision has become a necessity,the percentage of couples who decide to live together before marriage has begun to decrease notably since the year 2000.
Specialists from Harvard University have conducted studies, mainly in the United States, in which we can see statistics about the negative effects of concubinage. Although many couples who live together before marriage are not reflected in these results, it indicates that the benefits are few in comparison with the risks that it brings.
However, the option to live in concubinage for a while can give us two different results. The first is get to know the other person more deeply, their habits, routine and more. The second is that neither of them decides to take the step to get married, prolonging this coexistence.
The disadvantages of living together before marriage are many, we will mention the ones in which most of the specialists agree, as well as the most outstanding ones.
- Complications with the house. If you are going to live with your partner before marriage, you should definitely consider renting over buying.
- Couples can get bored. If you spend a lot of time with your couple, you will stop missing them and you will feel that it is not a good idea to get to marriage.
- Sex life changes.For a lot of people, this is not the most important thing in a relationship, but it has enough influence. When you start living together, sexual activity may increase, but over time, it will not be the same.
- Incompatibility. When you live together before marriage you know the faults of your partner and you see them in another way. When a couple starts having disagreements on how to do the laundry or even what to eat every day, coexistence can become unbearable.
- Feeling obligated to get married. This is closely related to the way of thinking and goals for the future of each individual person. However, marriage is obligatorily the next step. There’s a big influence coming from the people close to the couple, like the friend circle or family. The best thing to do is let your partner know what your future plans are.
- More unstable relationships. In the case of couples who have long lived in concubinage, it has been observed that after 3 years, only 1 in 6 couples are together and only 1 in 10 passes over 5 years. The reason for this is that living together undermines the commitment and if one decides that he has seen too many faults on the other,they is simply free to leave.
- High odds of divorce. When we look at statistics in the United States, for example, we note that 21% of couples who got married without living together before will get divorced. But on the other hand, 39% of the couples who come from concubinage get divorced as well. That means this doubles the risk of a divorce.
- High levels of sexual abuse on children. Statistically, the risk of sexual abuse in children increases 33 times when of mothers decide to live in concubinage before marriage with a man who is not the father of the children.
- The increase of physical abuse to women. In the United States, it was observed that the women who decide to live with their boyfriends before marriage are more susceptible of being physically mistreated. Also, multiplying by 9 the risk of being killed.
- Marital problems. The most frequent visits to marriage counselors are made by couples who live together before getting married, either due to communication problems, infidelities or other problems.
- Infidelities. As we mentioned earlier, one of the disadvantages of living together before marriage is getting bored of the couple, leading them to be unfaithful by looking for something different than what is in the relationship.
- Higher likelihood of contracting sexually transmitted diseases. Yes, S.T.D’s. Men who usually live in concubinage before making the step to get married multiply by 4 the chances of having sexually transmitted diseases.
- Effect of cohabitation. This is one of the biggest disadvantages of living with your partner before marriage. This happens when you live indefinitely with a person, and lose the ability to end the relationship because both are kept together by a variety of factors that have nothing to do with affection.
Couples do not usually live together before marriage after planning it, it’s something they always say “just happened”. The problem of the increase in divorce rates is not marriage, it is the lack of maturity in which the relationship takes place and this is related to personal maturity. In a superficial society, human values are attacked unnecessarily, young people do not have the capacity to know themselves better and to know the other person with whom they decide to start a relationship with and live together before marriage.
Being clear, those who decide to live together before marriage struggle less to keep the relationship afloat because they do not feel committed to finding a way to solve these problems. Deep inside they think “if it doesn’t work, we break up” because nothing forces them to continue there.
The duration of a marriage does not depend only on co-existence. Many couples consider that this is the perfect recipe for happiness. The commitment that both have is what measures the love within a couple, and from there comes the decision of marriage. This indicates the growth as a couple, where the responsibility of staying together and faithful is accepted, no matter the difficulties.
Remember that living together before marriage will make you lose the emotion that you feel when you are newly married because you lived it at the beginning of the concubinage and it will be very difficult to replicate it.